.self-image.
"Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair... It gives you something to do but it will get you nowhere."
Do you ever have moments in your life where it's almost like you instantly start seeing life through a new perspective? Like you are totally blind to something and then all of a sudden, you notice something about yourself or even someone else that makes you change the way you see things. Well, today I had that happen to me.
I didn't realize how insecure I had become. As a high schooler, I really felt like I did well maintaining a positive self image. I can't believe how that has slowly changed. I spend a weekend with highly educated people and I begin to notice that I am constantly judging my every move..."I need to be sure to sit up straight" "Try not to sound country", "I have to make a good impression". Wow. I can't believe I was telling that to myself. I used to have confidence. I never saw people with "power" over me. Of course I respect adults and everyone but, they never intimated me like they did now, well.. like they did early today.
Why did I care so much? Honestly, I don't think it was one event that allowed for a drop in my self-confidence. I believe it was a series of events. I believe that not graduating college "on-time", not being able to truly bring in income to my household (other than my small weekly paycheck), and a few other instances led to the crushing of myself confidence.
BUT...WHY?
Why should I allow this to crush my self confidence? I really should have seen that I am BLESSED with a husband who has a decent income, I am doing great in college, and I have a job!
Today, I realized that doubting myself and worrying about every little thing was pointless.
My new goal for myself is to be myself, be proud of myself, reach my academic goals, and to stop worrying.
Very good point KT! I cannot wait to see you again!
ReplyDeletePeople love you because you are the real deal. You don't fake your kindness and concern. They know you don't put on a "front" to try and impress them. The best impressions are made when you are being yourself. God created you in his own image. You are a reflection of Him. Sit up straight? Sound country? Make a good impression? Education does not mean a person has good character. Look at politicians. Most of them are highly educated. Do you trust them? I don't think it's possible to be happy living a fake life. In 20 years, will it matter to anyone whether you graduated from college 'on time'? No. Live your live FREELY. Sounding country is not wrong. Selling dope on the street corner to kids is wrong so don't do that :) Be you. That's why everyone loves you - including me! As for generating funds for your household. Are you going strictly by wages to calculate income? Think about the money you have saved by using coupons, cooking meals, cleaning house, doing your own yard work, washing your own cars, etc. In the end it all equals out.
ReplyDelete